Ode to Wattlesprigs 09

Matt Thompson's first published work "Ode to Wattlesprigs 09"

Now as the trip is ending
Id thought id tell a tale or two
About the 2009
Wattlesprigs crew

First there is Gemmill
The master of our ride
Im just a little bit worried for his wife
He's falling in love with big Bertha Hyde

The other leader they call Berth
For the whole tour never changed his kit
Too bad he’s a twat
And leading all by the number of dummy spits

Next there is beaker
The scorer extraordinaire
Qiute an interesting man
You could even call him rare

Big little Thompson
First ton of the tour
Its just a bit of a shame
That with the ladies his brother does better

The Duns’ what a quartet
Gary gives em a rip, Trav, at fielding he is grand,
Greg brought his golf clubs,
But we’re all lucky they brought the old man, the greatest umpire in the land.

Young Jordie, well done, excellent
A great effort for 17
Although It is a little concerning
That your taste in women is about thirteen

Adam what a drinker,
You might have a bit of contamination
Another piece of advice
Go and get an anal examination

Hood, beautiful, oh, oh, oh, what a champion, what a legend
always has a great hit
Although i reckon he’s just as keen
To have a good spit

Big Archie, the fall guy
He is just as grand as
A lot of the boys also think
He might be Colonel Sanders

Jacko the man they call action,
Led the boys to victory although you couldnt say he was the pick
But he did manage to snare the scalp
Of that shit South African Graeme Hick

Bettsy, they call him Bruce McAveney,
Drinks that crap cider for god’s sake
Maybe that’s the reason
He’s special and has a very interesting head shake

The Dinsdale’s, Sandra and Ian
The couple from Wangaratta
But you’d be a very generous man
To call Dino an opening batter

Next there’s the man called Blowy
Rarely referred to as Mr Parker
His fine sessions were brilliant
You’d call him a prick, a tough task master

Doyley the man from up north
Started the trip on fire and maybe even had a chunder
But his claim to fame is the day he bowled Knight
with that ball from down under

Big Wellsy a very popular man
Could tell a ripper of a joke on the bus
However unfortunately his batting
Was shit and well and truly puss

Godders what a great bloke
Some stories were outrageous
And then he hurt his finger
never accused of being captain courageous

Kel the team manager
Did a bloody marvellous job
Until the day he carried on like a fool
And pulled his little right quad

Big Morgs the team physio
Loves telling a joke or eight
But dont trust him in the rooms
Cause he might slip the digit up the date

Pete the man who loves coffee more than beer
A disgrace, a cardinal sin
Plays the game with passion
They call him the silver sovereign

Burkey, he loves the turps
Drinks triple jacks hes bloody unreal
But there’s more than one reason
Why they call him the man of steal

The ladies on the trip have been awesome
Always managed to get a fine
That’s because they got as pissed as everyone else
And drank 350 bottles of wine

Cliffy Cameron an absolute champ
Was crook at one stage, had swine flu I was sure
Always determined at each hotel
To create a sticky floor

His brother big Camo is also a top bloke
Barracks for Richmond and looking forward to seeing his wife
I hope he can take a catch back home
Or he’ll be in a bit of strife

Fossil Cleary
The man, he barracks for the sons of the west
The one game he played he got a duck
But as a drinker, was one of the best

Young Wheels enjoyed the trip
Although with the bat he often failed
And then there was the night in Manchester
Out with the boys, his shout and he bailed

Old man Thompson
Loved the trip, and to rock and roll
But the night of the fancy dress party
His dancing and and undie revealing was way out of control

Next there is the Doc
Told a funny joke after three or four
But one night he had a few too many
and stripped down at the Blue Boar

Matty Edwards from up north
A great bloke and always loved to play
But the one time he stuffed up in York
Was when wellsy had to take him to the sick bay

Noble, they call him Knuckles
A funny man, Had fabio among his alter egos
Broke the record with 27 off an over
Fuck there another one goes

Ranjie a great man
After his first innings didnt get a great reception
I’d like to also ask the question
Did you for a few years, forget about contraception

Jonesy, another from up north
Was one of our best bats
The problem was you blew a hundred or two,
We might have to call you Slats

Moff’s had a great tour
His ton was a real highlight
But there was one time when he wasnt at his best
In Manchester he’d had a pearler of a night

Ian Thewlis loves a beer
He became known as Super Foo
Lost the mug but that wasnt as bad
As when hed go to drop a poo

His brother is Neil
Drinking is clearly an ability
But his love affair with pet shops
Means i think he’s into beastiality

Cheetah Brooks from Barooga
He really is a great man
Although I did become a bit worried
That he spent all his time with Cliffy Cameron

Dozer Brooks joined the tour
But about 2 weeks too late
When he started his first over on tour
It was 6, it finished at 8

Big Robbie Cummerford from Brissy
Brought Cryril and Vernon, was very keen
Not being able to live without his teddy
Made me think he might be a queen

Big Fish from the West
Was excellent and gave them a rip
from all reports his bowling isn’t the only reason
Why he had a successful trip

Aussie Joey our great bus driver
Never did anything wrong
But it still doesn’t change the fact
That your still a frigen pom

Andy our new bus driver
A good cricketer or so they say
But you’d want to do a good job
Or we’ll get Joey back, and send you on your way

So now the tour is over
And so is this little rhyme
There’s been friendships formed for life
It’s fair to say we’ve all had an absolutely brilliant time.